Thursday, November 19, 2009

We hold these TRUTHS...ART in the revolution

I realized that writing on the walls…our personal graffiti as bloggers, the words that are extensions of our hearts and minds as artists bears weight in the lives of others…

When I started blogging it was to put out my message that insecurity is a widespread disease and no one is alone in their personal voyage of “am I good enough?”…

The progression of what I write and how it is written has a direct correlation to what I am producing as an artist…blogging and art are connected and perhaps are collectively an art form…electronic journaling…

Concepts assail me constantly…I am fascinated by the intricate connections that concepts create-I may be becoming a conceptual artist creating a body of work that is creating a body of work ad infinitum.

We, the collective sense of the word, we as people, artists, creative entities, all the complex things we are, we…have built so many bridges in the time of our generations…now we must decorate them…

We are obligated to (conceptually) paint the signs and begat illustrative diagramming to lead the way across those bridges and assure the generations to come that our foundations for them are firm, secure and everlasting.

As I have repeatedly postulated HATE is FEAR…fear is lack of education…people are encouraged to fear and thus supported in our feelings of hate.

If we are busy hating each other or hating concepts that we don’t understand we are divided and being divided keeps us weak.

We congratulated ourselves for escaping the Orwellian future that had been predicted for mankind.

I present to you that we are firmly enmeshed in exactly that 1984 scenario as phantom threats and menaces fill the news, VIRAL has become a word that fills our senses applied to our bodies, minds and concepts.

We fear viruses-diseases of our physiologies and our computers but applaud the viral video that rearranges our thinking and quickly spreads a concept that might otherwise go unnoticed…

Do you see how VIRAL has become” thinkspeak”?

It’s a good - bad -scary –friendly-everything and nothing sort of conundrum…how many other similar concepts infect our daily lives?

If it is good or bad, right or wrong, liberal or conservative it matters little because the spin masters have our attention and have convinced us that we are thinking on our own when we think collectively.

RUSH LIMBAUGH is paid millions of dollars a year to do exactly what TOKYO ROSE was indicted for as a war criminal-disseminate propaganda.

Being a “DITTO HEAD” is a good thing in the world of the Limbaugh conservative; we are on the eve of a new war and it terrifies me:

We are about to fight a constitutional defense of the rights of people under the FIRST AMMENDMENT to have the right to LIE and call it news…

FOX NEWS along with others like Limbaugh and O’Reilly twist and turn and tweak anything and everything they disagree with in the world they inhabit and put it out to the HATE/FEAR Ditto Heads who hang on every word and meet the other DITTO HEADS to share and stoke the fires of ignorance never once stopping to consider that what they are swallowing whole may be PROPAGANDA.

If you haven’t read 1984 you may want to pick up a copy and really read it before it’s gone forever.

ARTISTS, an inclusive term for visual, theatrical, literary and all other creative minds that produce original thoughts and images are in imminent DANGER!

Free thinkers have never done well in totalitarian worlds.

I am still aghast that we live in a world where there are people who deny the holocaust and moreover make it something about JEWS…ignoring the deaths of Gay people, gypsies, intellectual free thinkers and the physically/mentally imperfect as defined by the Third Reich…many artists of all persuasions were included in that holocaust.

There is a documentary about a school class who does a symbolic art piece about the holocaust using paper clips to represent people…in doing so they had been concentrating on religious persecution but suddenly they (collectively) realized that they were ignoring thousands of other lives that had been extinguished and had no voice…it is a touching and deeply important realization and I encourage you to find and watch this documentary called PAPER CLIPS.

“Whitwell Middle School in rural Tennessee is the setting for this documentary about an extraordinary experiment in Holocaust education. Struggling to grasp the concept of 6 million Holocaust victims, the students decide to collect 6 million paper clips to better understand the enormity of the calamity. The film details how the students met Holocaust survivors from around the world and how the experience transformed them and their community.”

ART built a bridge and decorated it, added signage and did all the things that being an ARTIST and creating ART demands of us.

I find that often I am troubled by thoughts such as these in the dark, cold middle of the night when I stop the racing of my mind and seek comfort in sleep, try to slow down and rest…rest often doesn’t come instead I examine my concepts or a thought bears fruit and what comes out is a painting in words (to the best of my ability) seeking to share my concerns and quandaries before they are lost in the stuff of living.

I thought my days of being a soldier for the betterment of civilization were over; retired with my tie dyed t shirts and peace signs in exchange for a more dignified intellectual sharing of my deepest thoughts and a more elegant and complex representation of my minds images via my art.

I find I may have been wrong…because ANGER is an active part of daily life for me as I hear people spew forth MEGA DITTOS to the like of Rush Limbaugh, Dark Lord of Think Speak…

We dare not ignore them, that would be exactly the road taken by people in the early days of the Nazi rise to power, we must be vigilant, active, we must even risk being considered revolutionary.

We live in a world where the profits of oil companies are more important than the rights of individuals, where the lies of a few are protected by the laws we made to protect the truths of many and where the basic concept that separates CHURCH and STATE which the designers of our constitution knew was of tantamount import to the success of this country and ultimately the world is being ignored; allowing 7% of the population to dictate their radical beliefs to the majority of the population.

As in times past it now falls to the ARTISTS to pick up the banners and amidst the creation of things beautiful and soul stirring we are obligated to use our abilities to also remind the DITTO HEADS that there are many who do not revel in the false security of lemmings running in packs toward their own doom.

Whatever we believe in our truths are based on our individual thoughts and concepts NOT a consensus of opinions dictated to us by others.

Whatever we create as artists speaks of our personal beliefs and visions not the dictates of society.

Friday, November 13, 2009

And NOW a RANT...

Did you ever notice that ART and Drama are both in the same department at most schools?

It seems that ART breeds DRAMA and frankly, to quote Noel Coward, I am Weary of it all.

Somehow it seems to me that the people who are drawn to ART are also drawn to the personality types that love to create chaos, snipe at each other and finally crash and burn in a mess that has to be untangled like the Gordian knot…

I may be being a bit too obtuse for some-people in art love DRAMA…

For a group with damaged egos and low self esteem it seems all too easy for the big emotional scenes to start in the first act and continue on and on without respite all the way to the not so final curtain…seems most of these tragedies feature an Olio where things go round again and end up where we started OR with the wounded and bloody exit stage right of one or more of the players.


One says this and another disagrees or takes offense and off we go…


The thing I dislike most about communicating via email and blog posts and forum quips, twitters and squeaks is we are communicating but not conversing and there is no inflection, no facial expression, nothing human to be read and digested to catch the subtleties inherent in the turn of a phrase.

OMG! Is like aloha it can mean everything and anything depending on where it lays in the sentence or fragment of a sentence twitted in some text message.

We need to drag ourselves out of the safety of our 2 dimensional virtual words rampant with state of the art graphics technology into the good old world of sweaty palms and nervous giggles where someone might have garlic breath but at least we hear them speak and see their expression and don’t EVEN talk to me about the stilted video conferencing stuff that passes for interaction-not the same, never will be…people need to touch, experience and interact in ways other than via the internet.

Don’t misunderstand, I am daily grateful for the wonders of email and face book-it does keep me connected and cognoscente of what’s going on where and with whom-on the other hand I pay for extended phone service so I could put someone on speaker phone and chat away all day as if we were in the same room so why TYPE it?

I am a dreadful typist and only in a world where spell checkers reign can my punch and peck versions of communication be deciphered…at least without some degree of annoyance.

This rant comes to you sponsored by someone who decided to be BITCHY in the worst sense…and though I agreed to disagree they made it into one of the more spectacular of the Punic Wars and damaged many relationships in the process.

This then would be the DRAMA part that I began this entire diatribe with.

I suspect because I am a male is a sea of estrogen, one tiny drop of testosterone fighting to exist in a world where everyone is referred to as “LADIES”.

Occasionally someone will say Ladies AND Rick but often enough it is a matter of who cares what HE thinks or feels we didn’t invite him in the first place.

I have been fortunate to be in the privy council of many women…and the only male within that thin and heady air that floats within those sacred chambers…NORMAL males can’t or won’t breathe there but I who knows a peplum from a dolman sleeve am allowed on my best behavior to be included.

I have actually been welcomed and courted on occasion to join in and be one of the girls.

A friend from high school says I was (in many ways) her best girlfriend…meaning there was a relationship there that defied the sexes and achieved the intimacy that two women might have as chums.

It is quite an honor to be thus described though I wonder how many men would actually acknowledge such accolades.

I, who prefer the company of women, have no problem with it-you can feel free to discuss virtually anything from feminine hygiene to how miserable men are in front of me and I will be fascinated and probably conversant with the topic.

I agree, most men ARE pigs-however, that does not automatically put the swine mark on ME because I have male plumbing…nor do I have Vagina envy-I do not now nor do I ever want to be a woman or give birth and urination in the standing position is overrated-I actually often sit.

Having balls is not fun-ask anyone who has had a sweaty day in mid-august while wearing too tight jeans and having rumpled jockey shorts (see JOCK ITCH) or fed the apparatus down one leg and forgetting where they were swung there leg over a picket fence in an oh so masculine gesture only to have said picket collide with the sensitive bits (see KNEE TO GROIN).

Internal genitalia are decidedly superior the odd yeast infection aside.

A lady friend tried to explain to me once how it felt to itch behind her belly button due to said yeast infection-this to a man is exactly like trying to explain how to see out of our elbow-it can’t be done---as you probably know when it itches we generally scratch it.

Just a short bit here about Lesbians...

I totally understand the lipstick Lesbian, this makes sense to me, women are beautiful creatures meant to be fleshy and pink, Rubenesque in my world is a good thing.

What I don’t understand is the bad Wayne Newton impersonation that some women do in the quest to be BUTCH.

This is less prevalent now since the double knit leisure suit has, thankfully, gone the way of bell bottoms but there is an equivalent version that takes all the worst parts of maleness and distills them into the scratching flatulent, belching caricature of a man that is exactly like a bad drag queen amongst males.

It goes too far---when you are wonderful by virtue of being female, lavish yourself in things I cannot.

I have said for some time that the divine superpower was very smart to have not made me either female or a drag queen (although I did once go to a costume ball as Madame Pompadour).

If I had been female I would have probably been a hooker and as a drag queen I would have been just too much of everything and would have achieved whatever the male version of the Wayne Newton Lesbian is---one endless Judy/Bette impersonation with an occasional nod to Liza or Tina.

Now how did I get here from where I was?

OH I was defending myself for being male in what is traditionally a female enclave…
Having done that let me say that those who know me-and know me well-also know that I am the kind, nurturing pussycat that my Mother made me.

She bragged throughout her life that she had managed to raise a gentleman in a world of cannibals.

I was also raised to avoid drama.

Somehow I seem too often to wind up in the sphere of drama where I found myself recently and I do feel somewhat victimized by it…interesting because I have had enough therapy to take responsibility and not be the victim in most cases.

I don’t think I had much choice in the genes and chromosomes business although a past life reader or two have told me that I am after nine or ten incarnations as a woman playing male for a change and being forced to learn to deal with males from a male perspective---karma and all that stuff.

My sensibilities are somewhat more feminine than masculine-I am and always have been modest and avoided public nudity…have to rethink that hooker reference up above there.

Anyway all I am saying is please stop if you are able encouraging those who think that life is not worth living without some random drama occurring about them---often too many random dramas and often self induced or abetted.

I am weary of it but I love the ART stuff but not so much with the boys…ART males have egos the size of Alaska and are too often ham handed swaggering things enswathed in cigarette smoke…no me gusta!

I just want to go to lunch, do a little shopping and enjoy my girlfriends without having to apologize for intruding to someone who finds my presence offensive by virtue of my glands.

I don’t think that is too much to ask considering my contributions to the support of the feminist movement...not to mention how much I genuinely enjoy my female friends
who have all too often put up with my brand of bitchiness with good humor.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Controversial musings...PART 2

Kiss today goodbye,
the sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck, the same to you.
But I can't regret
what I did for love, what I did for love.

Look my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It's as if we always knew,
and I won't forget what I did for love,
what I did for love.

Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.

Kiss today goodbye,
and point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
what I did for

I have come to that point in life where more people are leaving than arriving…
Seems every day I hear about someone losing a loved one, a spouse, and a partner…so sad.

Where is he? Why’d he gone so soon?
Now there ain't no way that it used to be, what now?
And everybody keeps telling me
There are may be a lot of things I miss
A lot of things I don't know
But I do know this now...
I ain't got no love
and once upon a time I had a true love.

We immortalize our sorrow in songs…in the words of songs…

Life is a book that we study.
Some of its leaves bring a sigh.
There it was written, my Buddy,
that we must part, you and I...

Nights are long since you went away.
I think about you all through the day,
my buddy, my buddy,
Nobody (or "no buddy") quite so true.
Miss your voice, the touch of your hand-
Just long to know that you understand,
My buddy, my buddy,
Your buddy misses you.

Buddies through all of the gay days.
Buddies when something went wrong.
I wait alone through the gray days,
missing your smile and your song...

Nights are long since you went away.
I think about you all through the day
My buddy, my buddy,
No Buddy quite so true.
Miss your voice, the touch of your hand-
Just long to know that you understand,
My buddy, my buddy,
Your buddy misses you.

“My Buddy” is a song for today that was written by Harry James in 1939.

We all join in and mourn when a woman loses her husband or a mother loses her child but what about all those lonely people women who have lost the love of their life who was also a woman?

What about a man who loses his life partner of 30 something years who just happened to be another man.

Those relationships often are mourned by a few and the one who remains then carries on alone.

It seems to me it’s time now to acknowledge that LOVE is good for everybody and no matter what form that love takes it should be in balance with any lasting relationship.

What about the woman who has been with the same man for many years but never married?
You hear people say, “Well you know they were never married?”

Diminished…that lack of paper and ring has diminished the relationship to something that is less than, beneath, not up to socially acceptable behavior, but there will be support for her…some close to her anyway.

It seems there is much concern that allowing marriage that is anything BUT a man and a woman will somehow weaken the FAMILY…to me it seems that the definition of family is a bit Norman Rockwell for this new century…a little stuffy and dated.

Marriages don’t hold together like they used to, families can have one parent or three, the old die has worn out and broken already and Gay marriage had nothing to do with it.

There is amongst a younger generation the feeling that names, labels and epithets are archaic things best left behind and forgotten; sexuality is more diverse and a wider range of variables are acceptable.

Still that fear masked by hate prevails in our society and that strident voice is the one we hear as the Limbaughs of the world drone on…spewing forth hate and malice in a steady stream.

Those who hate/fear so deeply use the Bible and religion as their ruler but in a country where church and state are separated how can this happen?

Then they make it a civil matter and pass laws that defy the constitutional rights of people to find happiness based on what?

I live in a conservative part of the state of California and I must tell you that MANY of the husbands here are cheating on their wives…not with other women but with other men.

If you know where to look it is almost an epidemic of bisexuality…trust me it’s not just here it’s wider spread than that I mention the area I live in because for many years this has been the land of family values and right wing morality, big flashy churches and loud right wing voices.

Funny isn’t it what a fuss was made over Bill Clinton’s peccadilloes but how quickly they try and staunch the news when one of the right wing side gets caught in something really seedy like that fellow and his men’s room tapping foot or some congressman is caught with any human underage…or a hooker…though professional sex workers seem to be more the prevue of Evangelists at least those who haven’t been experimenting with Gay sex amongst their staff.

At the bottom of all this I am dumbfounded how fascinated so many are with the sexual machinations of the “celebrities” of our age---the constant is he or isn’t he speculations about male stars and the less than ladylike actions of some of Hollywood’s younger female notables.

But don’t you find it interesting that Ellen is less ostracized and lives an easier life as an out gay woman than most of the gay males---she did OPRAH and included an interview with her wife.

Does it mean that change is coming slowly but is on its way none the less or are we reliving the roaring and tolerant early part of the last century to be followed by a puritanical reversion to clean cut American values.

I have no answer-some of the questioning is rhetorical anyway.

Miss your voice, the touch of your hand-
Just long to know that you understand,
My buddy, my buddy,
Your buddy misses you.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Controversial Musings...

Why is it that we tend to react from FEAR first instead of from curiosity or love?

So many angry people, demonstrating hate that barely masks their terror-it’s tragic.

No one understands separation of church and state anymore---it’s all mixed up in personal vendettas and political correctness and I don’t know what else…

ABORTION…now there’s a topic!

I myself could not abort a litter of kittens-well, especially kittens---something ickier---a litter of wart hogs…

I think it’s a shame there has to be abortion in an age of birth control being so readily available.

I think once is a mistake, twice is shame on you and after than its just stupidity as one becomes an abortion junkie.

All that said-IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS and I am violently pro-choice.

Well, now wait, it IS my business because I don’t think tax dollars should be paying for abortions I think private foundations should do that and after the OOPS one there needs to be some serious counseling.

It is also my business to be an advocate for women’s rights to do what they need to do as a woman because I don’t have to carry an unwanted child, go through childbirth and all that stuff…I don’t’ want to go back to the D and C 50’s and make abortions into a back alley money machine that is dangerous and smarmy.

What if every time a woman was denied an abortion they also were obliged to disclose the father of the kid and then HE had to have a vasectomy?

What if the anti-abortion people were the ones that had to take care of all those unwanted, abused, neglected children, many living in poverty, some born drug addicted and the pro-choice folks were excused?

It starts to get ugly and complicated doesn’t it?

I can’t imagine what a woman goes through when she decides to terminate a pregnancy.

You see these people who are reunited after years of separation, finding their children that they gave away…the emotions are intense but then what happens when the fire dies down?

A woman who has terminated a pregnancy can never reunite with that pregnancy…it’s just over.

This entry is all because someone challenged me when I said that the Male/Father should have no rights in the woman’s decision to abort…I think there should be input especially if the couple is married and of course this assumes that he isn’t cheating, beating her up on the side, mentally abusing her…so many variables…and what if they KNOW the child will be born to suffer? Genetic problems…

AGAIN I couldn’t do it…it takes a brave soul, a strong soul, resolute dedication to a plan to go and say, “I can’t go through with this.”

I have no clue in those dark tortured hours of the soul what follows that so final an act…

ANGER, murder, terrorist acts, intimidation all these words are common to both sides of this issue-JEEZ a guy just shot a doctor inside his CHURCH---makes THOU SHALT NOT KILL a real double edged sword doesn’t it.

“Onward Christian Soldiers marching as to WAR…”

So many horrible things have been done in the name of religion…the auto de Fe, the inquisition, the Salem witch trials, the crusades…

Do you even have a clue how much ART, writing and culture has been burned or destroyed, suppressed in the name of religion?

In 2009, this year, a minister burned books on Halloween including any copy of the Bible AFTER the King James Version.

What part of WRONG do they not understand?

When did God stop speaking to them, seems like he didn’t just go to sleep after the dark ages nor do I think he enjoyed the bonfires…Faggots were for burning…why torture and kill your earthly self to wash men of sin and then go on torturing and killing men because of the way they thought?

A selfish. angry and vengeful omnipotent super being---way too scary.

I thought GOD is/was LOVE.

Love the sinner hate the sin? Where is the forgiveness in that?

Love one another as I have loved you…that I understand…unconditional love.

I couldn’t abort a litter of Cobras but I could drive someone to a place to have it done, I could understand why they had to do it and I wouldn’t think less of them afterwards---so long as they didn’t make a habit of it.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Lonely in a CROWD

I have been absent in many ways the last few weeks.

I have concentrated on arting and haven’t felt like writing.

When I am into my art I don’t feel like eating, or doing any of the self medicating things that I normally need to do to get through a day.

Art is my favorite version of “Xanax”.

I love that feeling of connecting to my inner creativity-when the circuits are jumping all is well with the world-I seldom have a “dry” ART day.

The sad parts of my life continue to lessen although the anxiety is high-I have a lot of decisions to make and I don’t care for tight rope walking…never have.

What I want, all I want is a sense of safety and security beyond that I don’t want for much.

I am getting the three year itch-I was told It would come-when you make a major geographic move you seldom land exactly where you want to be unless it has been well planned far in advance.

I love this quiet beach community but I’m not at all sure I love Southern California anymore.

This end of the state has its own set of issues and congestion might be the biggest negative.

Just TOO MANY PEOPLE in too small an area.

Odd when you consider that the Los Angeles Mega-Plex stretches from Santa Barbara in the north to the Mexican border south and almost 100 miles inland-an unimaginably huge continuous city huge on diversity but maybe too full for a child of mid-century America.

I grew up amongst the Orange and Avocado trees out east of Los Angeles-the real suburbs of the 50’s with the community feeling and neighbors in neighborhoods-I miss that sense of community and knowing people.

It has become harder and harder to know people in Southern California-we have developed invisible but substantial walls around ourselves and we travel a little scared and nervous-Life in the post 9-11 land of the impending BIG ONE is about be suspicious of all those around you, internet scams and who is getting what that they don’t deserve and how can I get some too.

Not how I planned to spend the final third of my life.

“Loneliness is such a sad affair and I can hardly wait to talk to you again…”

I spend DAYS without seeing and sometimes without speaking to anyone else although I am well connected to the internet…I communicate but I don’t converse.

Not in any interactive, spontaneous way at any rate.

So I’m treading water…trying to decide what next while busily being involved in what’s now, not the best way to be but at least not shut down and exhausted, fragile as I was a few months back.